January 17th, 2008

New year, new activities!  I've really missed being active and playing indoor soccer, so I found a new place to play and went in to see about getting on a team.  I was very nervous about playing, as I worry about how convincing my voice sounds, and despite my 'pretty face', once I'm just wearing shorts and a T shirt, I'm not so confident that I look feminine.  But I made the most of the chest I have, wore women's gym clothes and went in to the office to see if there was a team in need or more players.  I asked if there was a list to sign up for a team and this guys responds "For a man or a woman".... That sure made me think he wasn't sure what I was.  I quickly responded "well, for me" and he said, "oh, of course.  Yeah, we can put you on so and so's team"  I'm assuming they thought I might be asking for someone else, as I was already dressed for playing and they could have assumed I was on a team, and checking for a friend.  It looked to me like all the teams had plenty of guys, but sure enough, teams can always use more women.  So I got on a team with 4 other women, which is good as 3 need to be on the field and we now have 2 subs.  Anyway, I introduced myself to the other women on the team before the game, and they were very friendly and welcoming.  My voice was a bit scratchy as I was coming down with a cold, but managed to keep my sentences short and no one seemed to think I was anything other than a woman.  I also did my best to run around like the other women I see play.  My only goal, aside from getting a good workout, was just to make sure I blended in.  I think I did just that :)  Oh, and by the way, I did score one goal.

I've also joined an LGBT volleyball league.  I haven't started playing yet, but signed up. (by now I was sick with a cold, and didn't want to make it worse).  At least if anyone knows or suspects anything, there is a 'T' in those initials that specifies I can play.  I think I'd like for people to just assume I'm a lesbian though, and not trans.  It'd be another test of passing and blending in, which is what I'm trying to accomplish.

A side note to all this:  I'm not trying to fool people or 'get away' with something.  These are activities I want to do, and since I'm a woman, I should be treated like any of the other girls out there.  There is a good chance that if I declare my trans status up front, that they'd be fine with it.  But my goal isn't to be treated as a trans person.  I don't really see myself that way, and in the years to come, I expect I'll blend in with the woodwork of society.  Some people will know, but there is no reason to go telling anyone new about it.  I would imagine I'll eventually tell someone I'm dating about my past, but other than that, no one really needs to know.