January  26th, 2009

Everything is healing as expected from my recent revision, and life goes on.  I used to blog a lot more frequently but haven't felt the need and figured the transition part was done, and the site would just stand as a resource for others going through transition.  But it probably isn't surprising that some things will come up in my life that are pertinent to the 'transition' experience.  So hence my reason to blog again.

I do have another physical change I wish to make, and that is having hair transplants.  It's not a major surgical deal, and many people have it done with consistent results.  I've been self conscious about my forehead and anytime I pull my hairback or wear it in certain styles, it really shows the receeded hairline.  I'm looking at a couple places right now, and will probably have between 1000 and 1500 hair grafts put in, depending on the clinic's opinion.  I've talked to a bunch of people who've had it done, and everyone has been pleased and would certainly do it again, so I think it's worth it.  I'll probably have it done in March or April.  It will take a year or two for the hair to grow out when I want it, so the sooner the better as far as I'm concerned.

I don't like to dwell all the time on transgender issues, and for most of my life, it isn't discussed with those who are not up on the topic and don't know me.  I guess I'm semi-stealth.  I am finding though, that I'm a bit sensitive to disclosure.  I don't want people I meet to know I ever transitioned and want to be treated as any other woman.  It's my perception that people will treat me differently if they know, and I'd like to avoid that.  It's not that I wouldn't disclose this at some point, but it should be a time of my choosing and it's my information to share, and wouldn't want others to spread the word.  It's something I am sensitive about and I only want to share that information with people I'm close to, that I feel comfortable letting them know.

I bring this up because I inadvertently 'outed' myself to a group of people I'd just met.  I didn't actually say I was trans but the way I'd phrased a few comments would have tipped off an observant listener.  It was a group of people that would have been totally fine with it, and in fact might have thought more of me had they known.  But I wasn't prepared mentally for them to know, and had to excuse myself for a while to cry and get over it.  Anyway, I figure I still have issues about how people will perceive me, and I should work on that.