July 15th, 2007

We had another group meeting yesterday, and as always, I enjoy the time spent knowing I'm completely accepted and had a good time with everyone.  I wanted to wear a new outfit, and had this really cute top I bought online.  It was a little complicated to figure out how to put it on, as the sleeves weren't connected to the tank part.  Anyway, I thought with my forms it'd look great, however, despite using a strapless bra, it just wasn't going to look right.  So /sigh, I put it back in the closet and figured it will have to wait until next year when hopefully I can fill it out myself ;)

But I still put together what I thought was a good look, and thought I did well with my makeup.  I used some colors I hadn't used before (got some make up samples from a friend- Thanks!) and liked the look.  However, after having put my look together, I looked in the mirror, and was disappointed, as my face just looked so male and felt I just wasn't passing at all.  But I remembered that the people at group will be fine with me, and as long as I act like a woman in public, I'll get by.  But I felt rather down about it.

After the meeting, I wanted to pick up some drinks at the convenient store near where I live.  It's been several months since I'd been there, but I recognized the clerk behind the counter still.  I'm guessing he didn't remember me, and as I approached I was greated with a 'How are ya, sweetie'.  Seems he assumed I was a woman and the transaction went well.  I even spoke briefely with him, and my voice didn't fail me.  So I was happy the rest of the evening!

Today I had brunch with my friends, and got to see one who'd moved out of state with his family, so it was great to see them again.  While everything went well with them, I still have this feeling that they just aren't comfortable with me.  I worry how they will be after my facial surgery.   I guess I'm also having trouble figuring out what to write in this blog, as I really should be talking directly with them.

Well, I have more I want to write, but I'm going to save that for another day soon.