August 16th, 2007

I was in a fraternity in college, and most fraternities had their version of 'Hell Week'.  The idea is that when you're challenged with some hardships, you start to consider how important the goal of joining is.  Does it mean something to you to belong in this group?  If so, you put up with the crap they make you deal with.

This same thought occurred to me this week, and perhaps this is my 'hell week' before going 24x7 as a woman.  It feels like there is so much to do and things I need to get and I'm a little frazzled and up and down with my moods.  Perhaps the biggest challenge was the bra shopping last night.  I'm getting my ears pierced tonight, so maybe that will be worse (sounds painful to me).

Shopping for bras seems to be one of those things all women dread, and it's easy to see why.  They don't all fit the same, so you have to try on a dozen or more in hopes of finding a couple that work well.  Just the time it takes to put on, check the fit, and if it's working Ok, you put your shirt on see how it looks can get very tedious.  And of course, if breasts are not a great feature for you, it can be depressing to see how little you have.  They almost don't have a size for me, but I did find one that fit just right and it was comfortable.  The only problem, is that you could see that I don't have much size yet and it really wasn't at a passable size for a woman.  I did however, find several that were comfortable, fit well and made me look good enough.  There is room to grow, but I really hope I can go again in 4 or 5 months for a larger size.

The important aspect of this experience, is that it is a Rite of Passage.  I've gone through yet another of those things that all women go through as they grow  up.  Yet another milestone reached!  To tie this into the 'Hell Week' theory, going through the shopping and the piercing does cause me to think about whether I'm ready for this or not.  I'm happy to say that I'm very excited about it, and I know by Monday I'll be confident and when I march into the hearing, the judge will look at me and be surprised that I ever presented as a man.

Ok, that's stretching it, and I'm also going to be nervous and terrified to return to work showing all Leann. 

I will have some warm up though, which will be equally nerve racking.  My son and I are going to GenCon this weekend in Indianapolis, and I'll be registering as Leann, and presenting that way all weekend.  Not only will I need to look the part, but I'll be playing board games and need to talk with strangers.  I'm not under any delusion that everyone will just think I'm a woman and I'm sure many will wonder about me, but I do suspect that whatever they think, as long as I act like Leann, that's what they'll respond to.