September 9th, 2007

 

I continue my good fortune in being able to fit into society as a woman, and really feel 'right' about being myself with everyone.  My voice seems to get me by, but it will take some work yet.  My voice, and all the other changes are progressing and I understand it will take another year for changes to really play out, but it feels easier to deal with because I'm already me.  If I get looks, I don't worry too much.

I am developing more friendships and getting to know others even better.   I know I'm not alone and others are supporting me.  Both my children use the correct pronouns for me, even though they will call me Dad.  I think that's Ok.  I feel 'Dad' is more of a role, not a gender title.  I've been able to focus more on other people and other things in my life that need my attention.  I still envision being a much more out-reaching person, and hope to be of use to my church as well.

I had to miss my first support group meeting yesterday, and really hated that.  I possibly could have got there early, and stayed like until it started before leaving.  But my other activity was the wedding of a couple good friends (to each other of course).   It was a casual wedding, so I did not have to worry about a dress, but still wore a nice comfy skirt and T top. I apparently dressed just right to fit in.

There were probably 50 or more people at the wedding, and only those I already knew (about a dozen people) knew about my transition.  One of my friends who hadn't seen me for a few months didn't recognize me at first, which was nice to hear.  As far as I could tell, no one picked me out as being odd.  I did 'out' myself to one of the sisters in conversation, but it wasn't a big deal.  The wedding itself was beautiful, and I cried when they read their personal vows to each other.  I've never cried at a wedding before.  It's nice to be able to have normal reactions and feel able to express them.

After the wedding, I attended my daughter's house warming party.  I'm getting to know her friends well, and feel very welcome with that whole crowd.  I've realliy been able to enjoy my daughter now that she's 'grown up'.   Not that I didn't enjoy raising her, but there is a time for everything.  I'd like to think I'm somehow still providing her with support and providing a good example for her to follow. 

My son and I have actually grown in our relationship a little bit.  We've always played games together, but he's now growing up and starting to be more than just a 'gamer'.   I am starting to like my life :)